Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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