i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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