i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Never joke about your clitoris.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
