the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
