i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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