i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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