but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
