Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
