you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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