found the other keg... it's in the tree
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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