The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
