Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
