I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
