im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
