clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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