he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
