i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
