It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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