Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
