She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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