does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
