I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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