You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
