Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
