This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
