Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The adults are the big ones right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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