i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
