chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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