I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
