The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
