There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
