You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
