you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
