I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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