this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
