it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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