i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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