My hand turned me down
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
