you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
