he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
