Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
