Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
