I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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