Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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