i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
