Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
