I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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