I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
