Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
