Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
