last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
