OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
