my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
