Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
