You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
