And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
