but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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